Overcoming depression & suicide through God's Word & love.
I grew up in a christian home. I have 3 siblings, and my mom was able to stay home with us. My dad he works for the same company, and he volunteers at church a lot; he was a worship leader there. He did not have an easy childhood. Partnered with the stress of trying to be a perfect dad, and the stress of trying to provided wealth for his family, and the stress of trying to be a perfect Christian, it overwhelmed him. For the sake of safety, my mom asked him to leave. That happened when I was 8. So fast forward time, I’m at the awkward age of 13. My parents were trying to work it out. They’re going through marriage counseling, and we're doing family counseling.
That day is just seared into my mind. My dad wasn’t my dad. I confronted him about it and defended myself. And he turned into someone I didn't know. My brother, David, stepped in and defended me, and He took a beating that was intended for me.
After that day, I just started to believe some lies that my father spoke over me during that time in his anger. I began feeling such guilt. I came to a point in my life where I truly believed, with every fiber of my being, that I was worthless to the Lord.
I spent three weeks in a facility to help me become more stable, and I caught a glimpse of something the doctor wrote. He wrote, "severely depressed, highly suicidal, and she has no hope.” And it was true… at 14 I had no hope. I had a plan for when I was discharged that I knew that would not fail, and I was going to do it, and I was just going to end it so I wouldn’t be a burden on my family any longer.
My counselor gave me advice to write down everything that I believe. I wrote down that I was worthless to the Lord, so she wrote out verses to contradict the lies I believed. I was supposed to read those verses in the morning, at night, and anytime I had a suicidal thought.
I just cried out to the Lord, “Father, do something. I need something to change or I'm giving up.” I continued digging in, and slowly when I read those verses I started asking why. “Why do You love me?” “Why do You say I am fearfully and wonderfully made?” “Why do You say there’s hope for me?” And after that, the 'why' started changing into a 'thank you.' “Thank you, Lord, for dying for me.” “Thank you, Lord, for making me.” It was because of His Word that I’m alive. It’s powerful enough to change your life if you let it.